A Cinco de Mayo survival guide —
July 9, 2020

A Cinco de Mayo survival guide

By René Castro

Don't be a bad hombre come May 5th.

Cinco de Mayo is coming up and you know what that means, besides all the margarita deals and the parties downtown — we’re about to see a bunch of people wearing sombreros, ponchos, and yelling things in Spanish who have otherwise never spoken a word of Spanish in their lives. Get ready to hear a bunch of “hola muchachos” and “si yo ‘key-eh-ro’ tacos por favor,” plus a whole lot of people singing “Despacito” while mumbling the lyrics.

But that’s all okay. Just breathe. In and out.

This, too, shall pass.

I’ve prepared a field guide for Mexican Americans and Latinx to pull out whenever they see someone totally disregard the value of their culture for a cheap happy hour. Use it liberally.

When you see people in sombreros and ponchos –> In May, in Austin, they’re probably burning up. Yeah, the sombrero will keep the sun off of them but that poncho is going to get mad steamy. Do not feel anger that they wear the traditional garb of your ancestors with flippancy and little respect. Instead, pity them and their inevitable heat stroke.

When you see people taking tequila shots and yelling “Viva Mexico!” and they’re not pronouncing it Meh-hee-co –> This is a tough one…I mean, really, the joke’s on them. They’re probably using a tequila that was meant for mixing so their throats are going to be on fire momentarily. Don’t get me started on how they’re going to feel the next morning.

When you hear people shouting out a grito –> Join them. And do it right. Show them how it’s done. Everyone loves a good grito–it warms the soul — like hot chocolate, or winning the lottery. It hits that special place.

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

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